If I Could Begin Again…

Last Wednesday night I began a session leading a group of guys through NETWORK. NETWORK is a deep examination of who God has created you to be and then propels the individual toward effective and passionate service. I was reading Scot McKnight’s blog when I came upon these words from John Ortberg, pastor at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church outside San Francisco. There is something to learn whether we are in part-time, full-time, or volunteer ministry.

If I could begin ministry all over again, I would spend time seeking to become a healthier person, emotionally and spiritually. I spent a chunk of time serving in an area where I simply did not fit well, where some of my deepest convictions were not congruent, because I was not self-aware enough to have a clear sense of what I valued and believed. I was stuck in a tradition and setting that was familiar and comfortable, but where I did not feel like I could truly be myself; where I could not really talk about the ideas and beliefs that resonated most deeply in me. And I needed people’s approval too much to be able to serve them well. And my neediness made me too defensive to be able to learn from the criticisms that are inevitably a part of ministry.

If I could start all over again, I would spend more time in solitude getting ready for ministry. I would have spent more time getting feedback from people who knew me best. I would try to walk through the pain of letting go what I thought I needed to do and who it was I thought I needed to be so that I could have served with more freedom and effectiveness. I would try to put less pressure on my wife to be committed to my success, rather than to embrace her own gifts and calling.

I would have read Dallas Willard sooner.